About Easter Dinner

[Seeker630]

I'm starting to feel that this forum is becoming my personal turf since I'm the only one posting anything to it recently. Be that as it may-----

I am calling this a split from LOEW's thread on Easter Photos. At the bottom of my post there I said this dinner really needs it's own thread. Here's the scenario----

As you all know I live alone. I have other retired friends here and every time there is a holiday dinner put on I'm invited to all of them. This time it was Easter dinner. The couple that invited me I have mentioned here in other threads. I've known them for years. I made the deviled eggs and brought them with me. They are Christians----well at least she is. Him I'm not sure about-----the guy doesn't have a religious bone in his body. For shit sakes we were roommates for a year and I know him. We worked together for years. But all the rest of the group is at least nominally Christian. So they do this "thing" every time there is a large gathering. This time it was about 20 people, not counting the little ones.

Anyway, whenever one of these major holiday things happen, there is the usual Christian hand-holding grace/thanks thing that happens. Now this couple know that I am atheistic. But up until now I just kind of stood there and said nothing, looking around while the seance was conducted. This time it went down differently---------

I was out on the lanai (pool deck for non-Floridians) and my beer seemed to have evaporated------imagine that will you------so I got up to get a replacement . In the one minute or so I was gone they had formed a circle and were about to start the prayer, and one of the group stepped in to tell me I had to go out for it. But then the lady of the house said-----"No---Not Mike----He doesn't do that", or some words to that effect---I had a hard time hearing it because I was in the house.

They then did their thing and that was the end of it. It lasted less than a minute and I stayed in the kitchen checking out the nibbles. I was stunned-----I have never said anything to her about being uncomfortable with the grace thing at any occasion I've been invited over for. I've never even mentioned it. But as I said they do know I'm atheistic. So I don't know what brought this on all of a sudden. I was caught up short because it was so unexpected, but yet also pleasantly surprised.

Now here's the upshot-------Afterward, while everyone was queuing up for the food, I was back out on the lanai talking to my friend---her husband---and he flat out told me that he couldn't figure out why she let me off the hook and that she never did so for him. He is expected to dutifully attend to such window dressing as her husband and he really doesn't like it. I suppose that's another issue for another time.

But now I feel I need to diplomatically find a way to ask her why she suddenly remembered that I'm not a believer. No complaint though--just a refreshing gift I suppose. Right now I just don't know what else to think.

[homo hirsutus]

It's probably just one of those things that just popped into her head. It's easy to forget that things that are normal to you might not be to others until something random makes you think of it. Either way it was nice of her to give you the courtesy, though I kind of enjoy the seances now and then. I guess it's for the same reason some people enjoy eating at Medieval Times. Though it's a bit creepier that Christians actually believe they're talking to the Sky Daddy.

[Terry]

This seance-thing of christians is the same to me as participating in bonfire-rituals of my pagan friends.... It's a thing that's just a ritual to me, though not to those believers.
Being you I wouldn't mention the situation again - it just came into her mind, when the other guy wanted you to join in. Why she doesn't let her husband out - who knows.... maybe she's such a strong believer, that she hopes, participating will "save" him in some kind, and she desparately wants him to be saved.... but accepts you as one of those non-saved....
Anyway, asking why could end up in an ugly discussion about religion, I think that's not worth it.

[Scamper]

Originally Posted by Seeker630

Now here's the upshot-------and he flat out told me that he couldn't figure out why she let me off the hook and that she never did so for him. He is expected to dutifully attend to such window dressing as her husband and he really doesn't like it. I suppose that's another issue for another time.

I think the above paragraph expresses why you might not want to bring up this issue to this couple...unless you enjoy stirring up a hornet's nest, as I am wont to do :wink:

The husband is expected to dutifully attend for 'social' reasons. Meaning she (the wife) will be on the receiving end of social repercussions from her clique should her husband suddenly veer off course from the norm. His behaviour will not go unnoticed should he stand up for himself and she'll likely be under the gun (sorry, bad pun) for it.

This message was brought to you today by: The Committee for Observing Xian Social Dynamics from a Distance.

As to why she did it, you've got some choices there. Either she was silently acknowledging your atheism or she got a message from god saying she'd give up her salvation if you stand with them while they prey, I mean, pray. Cause I'm sure you've heard the line about: whenever three or more of you pray, there I am in your midst...maybe you were standing on the hem of His frock

[Seeker630]

I think you're all correct to this point-----it's a social thing with them in their family, as much as it is religious or more. I think I'll leave it alone for the time being, until the next religious or quasi-religious event comes up and see if she does it again.

There is only one thing that might have prompted it now that I think of it some more. I think I posted something about this a while back and then forgot about it. She is one of those people who on occasion do email forwards of feel-good, uber patriotic nonsense stuff. You all know the kind of thing I'm talking about. She had sent one on about the high school football prayer thing that happened just a few years ago in Texas (ever wonder). The asshole who originally wrote it attributed the lawsuit plaintiffs as being atheist, when in fact they were Catholic and Mormon. I'm sure a lot of you are familiar with the case.

I debunked the thing and hit "Reply All" when I sent it out. Anyone on her mailing list who didn't know I was atheist before sure does now. She later said she didn't mean anything by it and that was the end of it.

So maybe that's what got her attention? That was like 7 or 8 months ago at least. There was one older woman too who opted out of the prayer circle by being in the can when they formed up, and as they were finishing up she walked out on the lanai. I've spoken to her before on our common Catholic background, and told her I was atheist----not a problem with her and she's pushing 80.

[Scamper]

Originally Posted by Seeker630

I debunked the thing and hit "Reply All" when I sent it out. Anyone on her mailing list who didn't know I was atheist before sure does now. She later said she didn't mean anything by it and that was the end of it.

So maybe that's what got her attention? That was like 7 or 8 months ago at least.

I love the debunking thing. Always good for a shock. LOL. I don't know this person but I'm willing to bet that her behaviour was a direct result of that email.
Don't tell anyone this but as a woman, I have it under good authority that some women do nasty things but indirectly; they've got a long memory and when they say 'I didn't mean anything by it', it's likely to mean the exact opposite. But you didn't hear that from me.....